The stars are unequivocally vague for 2022. It doesn’t matter what your zodiac sign may be, the pandemic has fused them together into a single astral melange. Not surprising as the entire astral plane has been locked down due to unforeseen pandemic measures. Even the end of 2021 was unforeseen. Even so, the stars do have something to say -
February seems quieter although the media are still deeply concerned about pointy graphs where the pointy bit is nearly vertical. As Venus minces into the fifth quadrant it is likely that awkward people will ask awkward questions about all this, but the stars suggest that listening to awkward people can damage your health. Be warned and steer clear of fake dishwasher tablets.
March is curiously interesting because lunar spangling in the Fourth Layer could lead to an unusual degree of vexation among Virgos. Everyone but Virgos should be fine apart from some indications that Mercury is in the ascendant and we know what that means.
April is entirely mysterious and although the stars clearly have much to say, they are keeping quiet about it. My guess is that it is something to do with Dark Forces or a new version of Ludo.
May is destined to be bright and cheery with lots of ideas, lots of good intentions and lots of interest in electric walking sticks. Unfortunately an astral glitch right on the cusp of Mars may well indicate that the walking sticks are really cattle prods. This could cause difficulties in queues at the Post Office. Those insulated trousers could come in handy.
June is a complete surprise because Boris finally manages to comb his hair, although the charts are somewhat mixed on this one. It could be that ‘comb’ is really ‘bomb’ because we know what Mars is like, but then it wouldn’t make sense and the iron laws of astrology would be violated. Although ‘hair’ may be ‘lair’ but whose lair? Or is it Blair?
July sees a little more clarity in the third quadrant of some strange behaviour by Venus. It seems to suggest that people who still wear masks in the street may begin robbing banks, but as banks are mostly closing down very few problems are likely to ensue. Unless Mercury cuts up rough with Jupiter of course, but that would be the end of everything.
August could be dull, especially as everything seems to be gravitating towards astral lockdown. A little late, but sometimes the stars just don’t know what is going on even within the Sixth Mesopause.
September is likely to be much less dull with lots of training days, Zoom conferences and numerous PowerPoint presentations packed with bullet points. All very invigorating apart from a lack of biscuits due to supply chain problems connected with Astral Zone Omega. Thanks to some vexatious trolling by Venus this not likely to be resolved in time.
October is best avoided by anyone born under Aries, Libra, Capricorn or Bedsock. Just take a break and relax is what the stars advise. Or some of them do, the others are sulking elsewhere.
November seems likely to be astrally delightful with enormous helpings of success, progress, emotional peace and cake. Nothing is likely to go wrong and anyway the huge asteroid soon to be barging its way past the Lunar Third isn’t really that big. Or is it?
December just isn’t there for some reason.
January could begin tempestuously with indications of friction around the issue of contraband lard and the latest coronavirus variant – Ballsache which affects the entire population. Long, shouty walks may help here.
February seems quieter although the media are still deeply concerned about pointy graphs where the pointy bit is nearly vertical. As Venus minces into the fifth quadrant it is likely that awkward people will ask awkward questions about all this, but the stars suggest that listening to awkward people can damage your health. Be warned and steer clear of fake dishwasher tablets.
March is curiously interesting because lunar spangling in the Fourth Layer could lead to an unusual degree of vexation among Virgos. Everyone but Virgos should be fine apart from some indications that Mercury is in the ascendant and we know what that means.
April is entirely mysterious and although the stars clearly have much to say, they are keeping quiet about it. My guess is that it is something to do with Dark Forces or a new version of Ludo.
May is destined to be bright and cheery with lots of ideas, lots of good intentions and lots of interest in electric walking sticks. Unfortunately an astral glitch right on the cusp of Mars may well indicate that the walking sticks are really cattle prods. This could cause difficulties in queues at the Post Office. Those insulated trousers could come in handy.
June is a complete surprise because Boris finally manages to comb his hair, although the charts are somewhat mixed on this one. It could be that ‘comb’ is really ‘bomb’ because we know what Mars is like, but then it wouldn’t make sense and the iron laws of astrology would be violated. Although ‘hair’ may be ‘lair’ but whose lair? Or is it Blair?
July sees a little more clarity in the third quadrant of some strange behaviour by Venus. It seems to suggest that people who still wear masks in the street may begin robbing banks, but as banks are mostly closing down very few problems are likely to ensue. Unless Mercury cuts up rough with Jupiter of course, but that would be the end of everything.
August could be dull, especially as everything seems to be gravitating towards astral lockdown. A little late, but sometimes the stars just don’t know what is going on even within the Sixth Mesopause.
September is likely to be much less dull with lots of training days, Zoom conferences and numerous PowerPoint presentations packed with bullet points. All very invigorating apart from a lack of biscuits due to supply chain problems connected with Astral Zone Omega. Thanks to some vexatious trolling by Venus this not likely to be resolved in time.
October is best avoided by anyone born under Aries, Libra, Capricorn or Bedsock. Just take a break and relax is what the stars advise. Or some of them do, the others are sulking elsewhere.
November seems likely to be astrally delightful with enormous helpings of success, progress, emotional peace and cake. Nothing is likely to go wrong and anyway the huge asteroid soon to be barging its way past the Lunar Third isn’t really that big. Or is it?
December just isn’t there for some reason.
5 comments:
I have to complete my tax return in January, so ballsache seems like a safe prediction.
April: there will be showers. Of rain, certainly, and meteorites maybe.
Sam - a affliction we no longer suffer from I'm pleased to say.
dearieme - both light I hope.
This is excellent, I believe every word and will be buying shares in Ludo manufacturers and lard futures as soon as possible, thank you for the tips. And have a good 2022!
Woodsy - have a good 2022 too, but don't cause a lard shortage. We don't want panic buying.
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