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Friday 23 October 2020

Cookery corner



This is the first of an occasional series on cookery. Firstly we have –

Coronavirus soup

This we are told is an abundant time for coronavirus so what better way to take advantage of it? With this in mind you need to go out and collect enough wild coronavirus to fill a good sized saucepan depending on how much soup you wish to make.

Unfortunately the coronavirus season ended some time ago so you may need to substitute a tin of Heinz vegetable soup instead. If you are extremely fortunate and do find a tiny amount of wild coronavirus, mix it in to that tin of vegetable soup and bring the whole thing to a brisk simmer in your large saucepan.

Traditionally a cooking pot called a crockashite is used for coronavirus concoctions, but any large saucepan will do. You need a large pan because even a minute amount of coronavirus will create huge quantities of disgusting grey froth which constantly rises to the surface making a ghastly flatulent sound as it does so.

Matt is the traditional name we chefs give to this unpleasant froth - skim it off and discard it somewhere safe as it bungs up everything it touches.

Once the grey froth has disappeared you will almost certainly find there is nothing left in the pan so throw it away and put the whole business down to a lesson learned.

2 comments:

Scrobs. said...

In our village, life goes on, and despite masks in the shops, nobody is really bothered much.

I did see a 'Crockashite' advertised on the front page of The Guardian (next to Drag Queen Weekly'), the other day, then realised that it related to the whole paper! The BBC had also mentioned this Guardian article because they want to double the circulation of their house magazine to three...

A K Haart said...

Scrobs - we see something similar, people wear the masks because they have to but don't really bother apart from that, although we do see them being worn outside too.