Cookery corner

This is the first of an occasional series on cookery. Firstly we have –

Coronavirus soup

This we are told is an abundant time for coronavirus so what better way to take advantage of it? With this in mind you need to go out and collect enough wild coronavirus to fill a good sized saucepan depending on how much soup you wish to make.

Unfortunately the coronavirus season ended some time ago so you may need to substitute a tin of Heinz vegetable soup instead. If you are extremely fortunate and do find a tiny amount of wild coronavirus, mix it in to that tin of vegetable soup and bring the whole thing to a brisk simmer in your large saucepan.

Traditionally a cooking pot called a crockashite is used for coronavirus concoctions, but any large saucepan will do. You need a large pan because even a minute amount of coronavirus will create huge quantities of disgusting grey froth which constantly rises to the surface making a ghastly flatulent sound as it does so.

Matt is the traditional name we chefs give to this unpleasant froth - skim it off and discard it somewhere safe as it bungs up everything it touches.

Once the grey froth has disappeared you will almost certainly find there is nothing left in the pan so throw it away and put the whole business down to a lesson learned.