“When did we decide to educate morons to be passably articulate?” Baz asked, apropos nothing. Baz is Dr Baz Broxtowe of Fradley university, currently working with Starmerbot Industries on a viable AAP – Autonomous Artificial Politician.
Dr Baz and I were sitting in a Matlock park after meeting by chance on a misty autumn morning. For some reason we decided it was atmospheric enough to avoid our regular café in favour of a park bench and a takeout coffee. As if summer hadn’t disappeared some time ago.
“And have you ever noticed?” Dr Baz added as we gazed through the mist and mellow fruitfulness of the park. It was misty and mellow enough. Attractively autumnal, surrounded by trees still in their finest red and gold colours and very quiet. A few people walking dogs…
“Have you ever noticed?” Dr Baz asked again.
“Noticed what?” I’d noticed the bench was wetter than I’d thought, or at least the bit I was sitting on was wet. And cold.
“Have you noticed how professional politicians don’t just put on an act. They know they are putting on an act. Like old time vaudeville or music hall, they go on stage, do their act, tell a few lies then it’s back to normal life unless they have an interview to do or a presentation. On stage it’s the act, off stage it isn’t.”
“So politics is just a branch of the acting profession? I think we all say that in our more cynical moments.”
“Yes but suppose that’s all it is, all it ever was and those in the profession have always known it.” Baz sipped his coffee then peered closely at his disposable coffee cup. “Compostable it says here.”
“Takeout cups are all compostable these days, or biodegradable, recyclable, the route to sustainable heaven or something similar.”
“I worry about that,” Dr Baz mused. “Is the cup containing my valuable coffee going to last long enough for me to drink the stuff, or will it suddenly disintegrate into a hot sustainable mess in my hand?”
“I think it’s quite safe,” I said as Dr Baz peered underneath the cup, poking the base with his finger.
“Hmm…” he took a suspicious sip from the sustainable cup. “This coffee isn't too bad, maybe it's sustainability flavour” he continued, “but we were discussing the problem of political acting. Most politicians are amoral careerists."
"Agreed."
"But what’s their chosen career? It’s the career of a political actor. It’s all there on the surface, quite transparent, quite open. It’s we voters who cause the problems because we take it seriously, as if it isn’t merely an act.”
“The media do too.”
“What?”
“Take it seriously.”
“Of course they don’t. They know it’s all an act. We voters are like TV soap opera addicts, we pretend the characters are real people working their way through real situations. Flatten it out and it becomes clear.”
“Flatten out what?”
“Flatten out what politicians actually do professionally. That's what our Starmer AAP product does. A big advantage over other AI systems is that AAP doesn't need to answer questions because politicians don't. In fact answering questions by default would be a glitch in the product. To get over that it just says something like "fourteen years of the Tories" followed by something loosely relevant."
"That's what the real one does."
"Of course it is - it's a political acting technique we have to emulate. Everything is on the surface, nothing beneath the surface. Professional politicians are political actors, nothing else, no hidden depths, no hidden motives. The only thing hidden is who wrote the scripts, the narratives. The actors don’t care about that as long as the script suits their acting abilities so they can strut their stuff. They ad-lib too of course. Some of them enjoy that part, some don't.”
“But they have motives, ambitions, ideologies…”
“No, most don’t have any of those things. They have a personal history and a personal disposition towards a career in political acting. That’s it – flatten it out.”
