Forget Joe - and some other stuff

As we know, The Babylon Bee is very good at hitting lots of nails on the head as well as being amusing enough to keep the optimism alive. Here's another example.

 
Democrats Announce You Aren't Allowed To Remember What They Did A Few Years Ago

U.S. — The Democratic Party announced on Tuesday that U.S. citizens were not allowed to remember all those things the party said and did just a few years ago...

At publishing time, Democrats had also added that no one was allowed to remember the existence of anyone named "Joe Biden."


As always, the whole piece is well worth a read and a chuckle, but here in the UK, are we likely to be reminded of the name "Professor Jason Arday" after a week or two?

The News Cycle says - "Who?"

I'm incompetent, Beth, is the actual answer

Jess Phillips: I hated being in government

The former minister spoke to Sky's Electoral Dysfunction about what it was like being inside government and why it's not on track to hit one of its key targets.

Asked by Sky's political editor, Beth Rigby, whether she would ever go back into government, Ms Phillips said she wouldn't.

"I don't think I'm suited to it, Beth, is the actual answer... I won't go back in and do more of the same. So no is the answer," she said.

Gosh - a Rachel Reeves script

John Healey vows to protect the public from price gouging

• Chancellor John Healey announced he will be closely monitoring for price gouging at petrol pumps and in supermarkets, as the war in Iran continues to affect prices.
• Healey conceded that the government ”can’t completely stop the squeeze” on families and businesses but signalled readiness to intervene against unfair price rises.

Reeves reveals plan to protect public from unfair Iran war price hikes

A crackdown on companies profiteering from the Iran war at the expense of millions of Brits is among cost-of-living plans announced by Rachel Reeves today.

The Chancellor vowed that the Government would guard against unfair price rises amid fears over surging oil and fuel costs sparked by Donald Trump’s conflict in the Middle East.

One for Ed and Miatta

What’s behind North Korea’s coal industry push?

From miner housing to carbon neutrality, North Korea's coal strategy carries implications well beyond its borders

North Korea held the second plenary session of the ninth Central Committee of the Workers’ Party of Korea from June 20 to 22. According to Rodong Sinmun, the party’s official newspaper, the meeting’s purpose was to review North Korea’s progress on 2026 party and state policies. These policies stem from strategic tasks set by the Ninth Party Congress and the new five year plan. The party also said it aimed to discuss and resolve pressing issues needed to put socialist construction on a stable, sustained path of development.

The second agenda item at the plenary session was titled “On Boosting the Coal Industry and Transforming Coal Mining Towns Nationwide.” North Korean leader Kim Jong Un said overcoming the coal sector’s remaining backwardness is an urgent task for the successful completion of the new five year plan.

What we need to counteract this horrific development is a determined visit to North Korea by a large delegation of UK climate protesters with their placards, soup and orange powder. This should attract Kim's attention and make him think again.

None of them would come back of course, a few people may see this as a disadvantage.


On March 15 this year, Kim visited the Chonsong Youth Coal Mine, part of the Sunchon Youth Coal Mining Complex in South Pyongan province, where he voted in Supreme People’s Assembly elections and met with miners. “For people to live, grain farming must go well,” he said. “For the state to live, coal farming must go well. Coal has been and remains the heart of our industry and the engine of our self-reliant economic development.”

PM Possibles

While reflecting on the way Andrew Burnham was shoved into No 10, a chap is bound to wonder if Labour could have chosen anyone at all, not necessarily a politician. 

Someone acceptable to the Labour Party, well known and a party member of course. Yet presumably membership could have been sorted for a public figure who was not a politician but might be interested in a spell as UK Prime Minister.

For example, should they so choose, were Labour Party fixers able to nudge famous people such as Gary Lineker, Lenny Henry or Stephen Fry into giving it a go via a safe seat, just as Burnham did?

Just a thought while I finish my morning coffee.

Political weather forecast – cliché showers blundering in from the north

Burnham vows to restore Labour’s ‘broad church’ in pledge to MPs

Andy Burnham has made a pitch to Labour MPs promising a change of culture in the way their views are valued after some complained that Keir Starmer had presided over “a reign of terror”.

In a one-candidate leadership hustings to MPs over Zoom on Monday evening, The Independent understands that Mr Burnham emphasised his desire to recognise that Labour “is a broad church” with a wide range of views.

A chap is bound to be uneasy about the use of clichés such as 'broad church' though. What do Fabian disciples worship these days apart from power? Do they still worship the wolf? 

As we know, the original Fabian Society coat of arms was a wolf in sheep's clothing. An early decision to run on clichés perhaps, a decision they seem to have taken to heart, but that's another cliché.

 

 

 

That is not a sign of a healthy system

Zack Polanski: 'Food is too cheap'

Zack Polanski has said food is too cheap and called for new rules to force supermarkets to pay suppliers more.

The Green Party leader claimed vegetables selling for as little as 7p was evidence that somebody was being exploited in Britain’s food supply chain.

Mr Polanski accused supermarket executives in a speech on Monday of making record profits on the back of underpaid workers.

Speaking to the Bakers, Food and Allied Workers’ Union on Monday, he said: “That is not a sign of a healthy system. Someone is being exploited somewhere, and if you’re paying 7p for vegetables, then something is not right.


Zack Polanski is busy chasing the incoherent politics market.

That is not a sign of a healthy system. Someone is being exploited somewhere, and if you’re exploiting turnip voters, then something is not right.

Said with tiers in their eyes

Cooper says UK and China have 'shared interest' in rules-based order

The rules-based international order is in Britain and China’s “shared interest”, Yvette Cooper said as she met the country’s vice-president Han Zheng for talks on global security as part of a three-day visit to Asia.

The Foreign Secretary acknowledged “areas of disagreement” between London and Beijing but insisted that approaching discussions with “candour and respect” would help to increase mutual understanding of one another.

Greeting the minister in the capital’s Great Hall of the People on Tuesday, Mr Han hailed a “new chapter in bilateral ties” which he said had been opened during Sir Keir Starmer’s visit to the country in January.


You British have sold your souls for something less than the conventional mess of pottage. You are ruled in the first place by money-bags, and the faddists whom they support to blind your eyes.

John Buchan - The Half-Hearted (1900)

At least it's not Derbyshire

Sturgeon moves to London - as she defends record over husband's crimes

Nicola Sturgeon has moved to London following the fallout over her estranged husband’s conviction for embezzlement.

The former Scottish First Minister is renting a luxury property in the capital as she looks to start a career in the literary industry, the Mail reported.

She hinted she might move to London while promoting her memoir last year, adding that she felt she could not “breathe freely” at home.

The literary industry eh? There are quite a few obvious jibes we could bung in here, but if she intends to write books, there are numerous subjects she should avoid to head off even more jibes.

For example, a novel where the feisty heroine auditor arrives at a ferry port in her motorhome to carry out an audit on behalf of the government. That won't do.

Blotted Out

Starmer's achievements 'blotted out' by political instability, says Harriet Harman

Despite the government turmoil, Baroness Harman says, "the irony is that there are quite a few good things" that have been happening.


Good old Hattie, always ready to say something batty. There seems to be a lot of blotting out going on though, 100 Morrisons convenience shops being blotted out for example.


Morrisons ‘set to close 100 lossmaking convenience shops’

Reports come after supermarket giant launched consultation over job cuts at its Bradford head office

Supermarket giant Morrisons is reportedly planning to shut 100 of its loss-making convenience stores, attributing the decision to mounting cost pressures caused by "government policy".

People can shade themselves in a number of ways

UK-wide NHS 11am 'rule' reminder as 33C hot weather forecast

People are being reminded of an NHS-backed 'rule' to follow as temperatures rise across the UK. The reminder comes as the bank holiday weekend brings heat that could reach around 33C in parts of the country.

With high heat, Brits are being reminded to consider an 11am 'rule' to keep themselves and others safe during hot spell of weather. The NHS says: "Spend time in the shade when the sun is strongest. In the UK, this is between 11am and 3pm from March to October."

People can shade themselves in a number of ways, including spending some time indoors when the heat gets too intense. The home can stay cooler during hot weather by closing curtains, despite that sounding counterintuitive.


A standard fine weather filler but the notion that people need reminding where shade comes from - that raised a wry smile.

It's almost surprising that we weren't treated to a picture of shade. Maybe there was a risk that the media AI system might come up with something like this -

 

Just the one?

Labour's day of anarchy: Angela Rayner cleared by taxman - as Streeting prepares to challenge

Labour's leadership anarchy took a dramatic twist today as Angela Rayner declared she had been cleared by the taxman - and suggested Keir Starmer could consider quitting.

The former deputy PM effectively threw her hat into the ring by announcing that she has paid £40,000 to settle her wrangling with HMRC over unpaid stamp duty.

Crucially, she insisted that she had not been made to pay any penalty for deliberately or 'carelessly' dodging tax.

Rachel Reeves could do with one of those

Indian state leader removes personal astrologer from key government role after backlash

Rationalist critics and opposition leaders had argued that such an appointment would promote superstition over scientific thinking

The newly elected chief minister of the Indian state of Tamil Nadu has revoked the appointment of his longtime astrologer to a key government role following backlash.

Joseph Vijay Chandrasekhar, an actor-turned-politician who scored a stunning victory on his electoral debut earlier this month, had picked Rickey Randhan Pandit Vettrivel, an astrologer and numerologist with no administrative experience, to advise him in office.

Rachel Reeves could do with a numerologist... 

Oh hang on, numerology is just superstitious twaddle.

Ed's the man for that.

Politically incorrect tumble dryers

Traditional tumble dryers to be 'phased out' under Labour

Traditional tumble dryers are set to be “phased out” in favour of green alternatives as the Labour government continues to push to reach net zero.

By gum - this says it all.

Compared to what they should be doing, phasing out politically incorrect tumble dryers must tell us something important about the pointless, meddling mess that is UK government. 

Not even tangentially sane. 

Rayner to sail back in style?

PM could bring Rayner back to avoid leadership challenge - latest

Sir Keir Starmer has offered Angela Rayner a Cabinet return in an attempt to curtail a challenge to his leadership, according to reports.

Sources have told The Telegraph that amid the threat of a coup, with Ms Rayner, Andy Burnham, Ed Milliband and Wes Streeting among the possible contenders, the prime minister has offered the former deputy prime minister a route back into government to strengthen his leadership.

How about offering Ms Rayner a post where she can do something constructive about the dire state of the Royal Navy?

  

 

 

Quality Accouting Center

With delightful accuracy, Babylon Bee hits yet another nail firmly on the head.

Ilhan Omar Assures Public Her Finances Were Handled Honestly By Professionals At 'Quality Accouting Center'

 

Source

Eco-Dentistry

 

Something Zack Polanski and the Green Party could pursue is dentistry without links to the hated oil industry via local anaesthetics such as lidocaine. 

Unfortunately for eco-zealotry, this is produced via various chemical pathways beginning with such oil-derived compounds as xylene. 

Maybe the Green Party could promote eco-dentistry without anaesthetics at all? 

As an alternative to oil industry pain relief they could promote dentists' chairs with straining bars attached. Eco-patients would take a firm grip of the bars during the more painful eco-procedures.

Alternatively and with Zack's background, hypno-anaesthesia could be promoted as a way to enhance the efficacy of the straining bars.

Praise from Ed Davey - can't go lower than that

Starmer 'deserves credit' for handling of Iran war but must do more to help Britons with rising costs, says Sir Ed Davey

The Liberal Democrats leader told LBC the Prime Minister to go further as fuel prices surge.

Speaking to Lewis Goodall on Sunday, the Liberal Democrats leader called on the Prime Minister to do more to support people struggling with rising costs due to the war.

It comes as fuel costs have surged following the outbreak of the Iran war, which has led to the Strait of Hormuz, a vital transit route for much of the global oil supply, being blocked as fighting rages on.

Okay, the headline isn't quite accurate because praise from Jeremy Corbyn would be worse, but even a modest accolade from "Sir" Ed Davey is pretty grim.

To be, or not to be, that is the question

How often should you wash your sheets and clothes?

Bath towels absorb moisture and the dead skin cells each time one takes a shower. And when wet, they may easily form habitats to bacteria and mould. It is advisable to wash the towels after use on approximately three occasions to ensure that their hygiene is maintained.

To be Green, or not to be Green, that is the question.

What would Greens say about taking a shower in the first place? There is no way round it, taking a shower involves the feckless pollution of water, whether tap water or rain water. Washing sheets, towels and clothes simply adds to the pollution.

How about not having a shower and regularly bashing clothes with a stick to knock out any unwanted lodgers? Could work and we may as well try to be constructive about the problem. A stick bashing approach does sound reasonably Green.

Moving on to flint kitchen utensils...

Rodney tries to climb aboard

Starmer heads to Gulf as he says he will ‘support US-Iran ceasefire’

Sir Keir Starmer is set to travel to the Gulf on Wednesday to meet allies in the region and discuss diplomatic efforts to “support and uphold” the ceasefire deal between the US and Iran.

The prime minister welcomed the news of the agreement reached between Washington and Tehran overnight, saying it will “bring a moment of relief to the region and the world”.