An alternative future

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Bloody hell - only yesterday I took my usual walk along the canal towpath and counted eight dead Daleks cluttering up the canal. It’s not as if the abortive invasion happened recently but what has the council done about clearing up the mess? Sod all as far as I can see. It’s the council’s job to keep this stretch of canal clear.

I know I have a couple of empty Daleks in my garden but that’s not the point. I’m using them as composters but I don’t have enough vegetable material and garden waste to keep more than two on the go. The council should just sort out the ones in the canal and send them off to the Dalek recycling centre as everyone else did.

Sorting the Daleks was fun while it lasted of course but that’s over now and the mess they made should be cleared up. Not that they made much of a mess as we know. They didn’t have time. Talk about useless. All I used was a spade – dealt with dozens of them with that old spade. Whack off the eye stick, whack off the ray gun, stick the spade under it and over it goes. Easy as falling off a log. From what I hear even the army sometimes went in close with spades. It was so easy.

The Daleks couldn’t even get up my gravel drive because the gravel stopped them dead. I had to pull my shoes on and get out there to sort them out while all they could do was sit there on the gravel bleating – “exterminate”. They couldn’t even exterminate next door’s yapping dog. Pity that. Even a kid with a baseball bat could sort a few Daleks. They were so pathetically immobile and that eye on a stalk – well words fail me.

Mind you there was an unpleasant side to the invasion, those details we don’t like to talk about except when we’ve had a few. Like what happened to all those Daleks when we destroyed their silly pepper pot shells? You know – the creatures inside trying to work out why their eye on a stalk suddenly stopped working before they could blast anyone.

Yes we sometimes yanked them out and sometimes left them to rot... Which reminds me, maybe those Daleks in the canal haven’t been emptied yet. Strewth I don’t like that idea. I heard a story about a guy who stuck one on his barbecue but I’m not going into that. Tastes like chicken apparently.

Speaking of which it always amazes me to think back on the reasons behind the Dalek invasion. How did a bunch of interstellar morons manage to invent space travel when we didn’t? I know it is supposed to be all about gyroscopes and whatnot and we should have invented space travel years ago but somehow missed the basic idea. But come on - how come the Daleks worked it out when we didn’t?

Okay I’ve read the explanations but I still think there are questions to be asked. And that canal needs sorting. I’m not doing it.