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Monday, 4 March 2013

Donkey DNA found in MPs



There is increasing concern that donkey DNA is turning up in numerous MPs. Experts from the Science Policy Authority (SPA) are investigating, but have run into problem trying to corral recalcitrant MPs into the testing arena.

The source of the donkey DNA is not yet known and the effect on MP’s behaviour is even more uncertain, although one wag has commented that the rogue DNA will at least dilute the weasel version they usually find in these cases.

Labour leader Ned Miliband tried to brush aside this latest contamination scare, claiming that a touch of donkey never did anyone any harm. His stable mate Ned Balls agreed.

Update - shocking new research.
A more alarming and long-term aspect of the donkey DNA story is that politicians and their bureaucratic masters may be evolving away from the main branch of Homo Sapiens. Clearly a finding with serious implications for the whole human race.

After extensive research and testing, genetic experts from SPA are now convinced that the apparent donkey DNA found in MPs does not derive from actual donkeys, but is merely a genetic similarity.

Homo Politicus may well have many characteristics of the real donkeys we all know and love, but quite obviously lacks the lovable, hard-working and affectionate nature donkeys generally possess. We should not mistake the inhumanly stubborn obduracy and comparatively lowly intelligence found in MPs for genuine donkey characteristics.

How this amazing evolutionary lapse came about is still a mystery, but Flouncer, the minister with overall responsibility for SPA was quick to play down any possibility that genetic testing may become an essential part of the MP selection process.

Ideas like that are just bloody racist, Flouncer brayed, nostrils flaring.

7 comments:

Macheath said...

'...politicians and their bureaucratic masters may be evolving away from the main branch of Homo Sapiens.'

Were they ever fully paid-up members of the species in any case?

The older I get, the more convinced I am that 'homo sapiens' is the worst misnomer ever.

Angus Dei said...

Does being homo politicus mean that they go around buggering Cardinals then AK?

Roger said...

A wicked insult to all donkeys. Anyway, it would be difficult to hang a donkey from a lamppost but a politician.....

A K Haart said...

Mac - I agree, where did the sapiens get too?

Angus - it means they can bugger anyone who isn't sitting down.

Roger - politicians are too heavy though. They break the piano wire.

James Higham said...

Ah, well that explains it then. And I'd been wondering.

duffandnonsense said...

Thought I recognised that face - voted for him last time!

A K Haart said...

James - there's always a simple explanation.

David - strangely enough, so did I!