One of my outstanding ideas is to invent a character around
whom I may weave a few fictitious tales every now and then. A character in the Beachcomber mould is what I have in mind. I’m not even sure of the name
yet. Captain Strewth springs to mind, but only as one of many. Names are such a fertile area I’m
reluctant to settle on one.
Of course as you've already guessed, the name arises because of the common query he elicits from friend and foe alike - "what are you up to now Captain... strewth!"
Of course as you've already guessed, the name arises because of the common query he elicits from friend and foe alike - "what are you up to now Captain... strewth!"
What I do know about Captain Strewth (or whatever) is that
he’ll spend a fair bit of time in his garden shed. This shed will be pretty
much a copy of my best ever shed which we inherited with a house we bought in
the seventies. It was a thirties house and my guess is the shed was built round
about the same time.
A great solid wooden affair it was with metal-framed side
opening windows and curly-handled window latches. Now although we all have our own ideas
of a classy shed, curly-handled window latches must surely be high on the
list.
Our shed also had an old Victorian dining table as a work bench, left there by the previous occupants. Or the original house buyers for all I know. Solid mahogany on thick, turned legs with a winding handle so you could extend
it by inserting an extra leaf. Actually it was well worth restoring as a dining
table, but like a young pillock I didn’t see it at the time. I just clamped my vice to that solid mahogany!
I also found a perfect frog skeleton underneath the table. Intact and as clean as a whistle. How many sheds come with that?
I also found a perfect frog skeleton underneath the table. Intact and as clean as a whistle. How many sheds come with that?
Anyway, getting back to Captain Strewth. The only things
he’d have extra in his shed would be an old cast iron stove, an armchair and a crate of ale.
What more could a chap want? Whether I’ll ever write about him is another
matter because I have a feeling he’s out of sympathy with the modern world and could come across as rather tetchy.
Still you never know.
Still you never know.
8 comments:
I reckon that Captain Strewth should be the wall against which you bounce your ball with other characters.
You can always refer to him in any context...
Never mind the Cap'n, that is one hell of a shed. So evocative, so classy. Yes a stove, an armchair but a crate of ale? - perhaps an almost empty barrel of sherry.
Man must have a shed. End of story.
That shed began as an old parcels van, although from which company I am not sure. You might try the National Railway Museum. I think I recall its like from working on the Grimsby Fish. What about Captain Grimes?
'Strewth!
A neighbour of ours has a beauty of a shed. Mainly corrugated iron on a wood frame, and it is painted that dull green that 80% of the manufactured world used to be. The main feature is the old front door of the main house - complete with the letter box and house number - that makes up about a third of the shed floor.
Now here's the really strange, almost uncanny, twist. That neighbour of ours in a woman. And she is not obviously a lesbian or a feminist or anything. What do you think is going on there? Possibly a short story in that, AKH....
Scrobs - good idea - I'll settle on a name and give it a go.
James - I agree. I don't have a proper shed at this address though.
Demetrius - it's not mine, but it is my ideal shed. I don't even have a decent photo of my best ever shed.
David - strewth indeed!
Sam - there certainly is. Probably several, because such a shed has many possibilities.
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