A spot of fiction for what’s left of 2025.
December 30th 2325
I’ve had a yen to visit Ukay ever since my implant gave me a history lesson on its demise, how a thousand years of history were blaired into oblivion. It even told me where the word ‘blaired’ comes from. Apparently the original Blair was an ancient Ukay leader who started the rot and generally made a mess of things.
After much cogitation and some holiday quota balancing, I finally got round to a proper Ukay tour by sorting out a skimmer to take me across with my Skoot and enough supplies for a one week safari. I needed my Skoot to ferry me around Ukay in some degree of comfort and tell me what was what of course.
I initially intended to tour some of the Ukay ruins such as Lundun, Brumm, Glassglow and some of the other ancient cities but Skoot told me about other places beyond the major ruins where a few people still scrape a living. Skoot says it is a common myth that that the whole population gradually deserted Ukay in search of better living conditions - a few stayed.
After some searching around and as Skoot had predicted, I did find a group of people living in a primitive camp but it wasn’t a rewarding experience. I managed to speak with a few of them but I wasn’t welcome. They scolded me about stuff I didn’t really understand without Skoot quietly feeding my implant and even then it came across as weird.
‘Survivors’ they called themselves and they abused me for using energy because they could see that Skoot requires energy. They said that Skoot was changing the climate and destroying the planet by heating it up or something.
Skoot says the ‘Survivors’ are just a cult and even though the advancing ice fields are only a couple of hundred kilometres from their squalid camp, they don’t believe it exists. Tell them the next Ice Age has started and they just yell, wave their arms, shout about warming and the ancient teachings of their guru – Greta Miliband.
“What’s wrong with these people?” I asked Skoot when we left, “and why did you bring me here?”
“I knew you would be interested and your implant confirms that you are,” Skoot replied. “They think sea levels are rising rapidly and in thirty years much of Ukay will be flooded by the mythical BB Sea. It’s been thirty years away for centuries. You won’t come back, visitors never do.”
Skoot was right of course, I didn’t stay in Ukay for as long as I’d hoped. People don’t visit Ukay – not twice anyway.
I’ve had a yen to visit Ukay ever since my implant gave me a history lesson on its demise, how a thousand years of history were blaired into oblivion. It even told me where the word ‘blaired’ comes from. Apparently the original Blair was an ancient Ukay leader who started the rot and generally made a mess of things.
After much cogitation and some holiday quota balancing, I finally got round to a proper Ukay tour by sorting out a skimmer to take me across with my Skoot and enough supplies for a one week safari. I needed my Skoot to ferry me around Ukay in some degree of comfort and tell me what was what of course.
I initially intended to tour some of the Ukay ruins such as Lundun, Brumm, Glassglow and some of the other ancient cities but Skoot told me about other places beyond the major ruins where a few people still scrape a living. Skoot says it is a common myth that that the whole population gradually deserted Ukay in search of better living conditions - a few stayed.
After some searching around and as Skoot had predicted, I did find a group of people living in a primitive camp but it wasn’t a rewarding experience. I managed to speak with a few of them but I wasn’t welcome. They scolded me about stuff I didn’t really understand without Skoot quietly feeding my implant and even then it came across as weird.
‘Survivors’ they called themselves and they abused me for using energy because they could see that Skoot requires energy. They said that Skoot was changing the climate and destroying the planet by heating it up or something.
Skoot says the ‘Survivors’ are just a cult and even though the advancing ice fields are only a couple of hundred kilometres from their squalid camp, they don’t believe it exists. Tell them the next Ice Age has started and they just yell, wave their arms, shout about warming and the ancient teachings of their guru – Greta Miliband.
“What’s wrong with these people?” I asked Skoot when we left, “and why did you bring me here?”
“I knew you would be interested and your implant confirms that you are,” Skoot replied. “They think sea levels are rising rapidly and in thirty years much of Ukay will be flooded by the mythical BB Sea. It’s been thirty years away for centuries. You won’t come back, visitors never do.”
Skoot was right of course, I didn’t stay in Ukay for as long as I’d hoped. People don’t visit Ukay – not twice anyway.
1 comment:
Actually if all the Insufferables left for more promising countries the Straightforwards would make the UK a pleasant place to live once more.
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