Report

Do you have anything to report for your Earth Sector, Observer Gnorbis? The region known as UK I believe is your current area of investigation?

There are still a number of mysteries to untangle here, Controller. For example, Leader Burnham is the current political leader of Earth's UK region and he visited Ilkeston yesterday…

What is an Ilkeston?

It is the name they give to a certain town, Controller.

So, Observer Gnorbis, as political leader of the moment, this Burnham must have some important tasks to complete in Ilkeston, something you should know about, something of social and political importance.

Unfortunately not Controller, nothing of immediate social or political importance from what I can gather. It seems to be more performance than leadership.

Come now, Gnorbis, we sent you on those training years under the distinguished sociologist Professor Arday at the even more distinguished Cambridge University. Surely this equipped you with numerous social and therefore political insights sufficient to complement your role as an Earth Observer?

Unfortunately not, Controller. I have recently completed a report on the matter which explains a certain amount of confusion in my attempts to grasp sociological and political matters in my Observational Remit.

Oh… that in itself may be interesting Gnorbis. So Professor Arday is not likely to improve our somewhat lamentable understanding of why humans behave as they do?

Not at all. Controller. This may be why I cannot make much sense of Leader Burnham’s visit to Ilkeston. It is supposedly to do with listening, yet Leader Burnham has only poorly developed and highly selective modes of listening – in a political and sociological sense.

What is Leader Burnham listening to Gnorbis?

I do not know, Controller. His own voice mostly.

Oh. When is Leader Burnham due to be replaced?

Soon I hope, Controller. In his own way, Leader Burnham is as sociologically confusing as Professor Arday. It is all in my report, Controller.

People don’t visit Ukay

A spot of fiction for what’s left of 2025.

December 30th 2325

I’ve had a yen to visit Ukay ever since my implant gave me a history lesson on its demise, how a thousand years of history were blaired into oblivion. It even told me where the word ‘blaired’ comes from. Apparently the original Blair was an ancient Ukay leader who started the rot and generally made a mess of things.

After much cogitation and some holiday quota balancing, I finally got round to a proper Ukay tour by sorting out a skimmer to take me across with my Skoot and enough supplies for a one week safari. I needed my Skoot to ferry me around Ukay in some degree of comfort and tell me what was what of course.

I initially intended to tour some of the Ukay ruins such as Lundun, Brumm, Glassglow and some of the other ancient cities but Skoot told me about other places beyond the major ruins where a few people still scrape a living. Skoot says it is a common myth that that the whole population gradually deserted Ukay in search of better living conditions - a few stayed.

After some searching around and as Skoot had predicted, I did find a group of people living in a primitive camp but it wasn’t a rewarding experience. I managed to speak with a few of them but I wasn’t welcome. They scolded me about stuff I didn’t really understand without Skoot quietly feeding my implant and even then it came across as weird.

‘Survivors’ they called themselves and they abused me for using energy because they could see that Skoot requires energy. They said that Skoot was changing the climate and destroying the planet by heating it up or something.

Skoot says the ‘Survivors’ are just a cult and even though the advancing ice fields are only a couple of hundred kilometres from their squalid camp, they don’t believe it exists. Tell them the next Ice Age has started and they just yell, wave their arms, shout about warming and the ancient teachings of their guru – Greta Miliband.

“What’s wrong with these people?” I asked Skoot when we left, “and why did you bring me here?”

“I knew you would be interested and your implant confirms that you are,” Skoot replied. “They think sea levels are rising rapidly and in thirty years much of Ukay will be flooded by the mythical BB Sea. It’s been thirty years away for centuries. You won’t come back, visitors never do.”

Skoot was right of course, I didn’t stay in Ukay for as long as I’d hoped. People don’t visit Ukay – not twice anyway.