Size matters

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This is an oddity. By some quirk of the spacetime continuum a Neolithic man has been able to reach across thousands of years and study our world while remaining in his own time. How he does this I’m not sure but he has learned our language, studied our ways and sent some messages – observations about our time compared to his.

His name translates as Glurk and his most interesting observations focus on primitive modes of thought which he knows well but we don’t. Over to Mr Glurk –

Hi guys – Glurk here. It isn’t Mr Glurk by the way, just Glurk. Let’s start with the most important Neolithic concept of all, the one which shapes our lives and our way of making sense of the world here in Stoneville. That concept translates nicely into English as Big.

I don’t really live in a place called Stoneville by the way. I just made that up because it sounds nicer than the reality which is rather more basic than the name suggests. It has its good points though – we don’t have television or political correctness. We definitely don’t have political correctness. Ha ha – no that’s another story.

Anyhow - Big matters because size matters. It’s how we make that most basic of all assessments – is it Bigger than me and mine? Seems obvious to us here in Stoneville but you guys complicate things. You don’t always see how your ideas are still dictated by Big because you are essentially the same as us. Rather more weedy than we are but I don’t hold that against you.

So if anything is Bigger than you or your tribe then you need to know. That’s obvious too or at least I hope it is. It’s certainly obvious to us here in Stoneville so it certainly ought to be obvious to you guys with all your sophistication such as your soap operas and flat pack furniture. Except usually it isn’t obvious to you is it?

Let’s take a couple of examples of how Big works, how it directs your thinking just as it directs ours.

Number one – Brexit and the EU. Now everything I see and read about Brexit tells me that the only reason some of you voted Remain is because you were screwed up by Big. The EU is Bigger than the UK and that’s the only Remain argument anyone ever put forward. Remainers say the EU is Bigger than the UK and that’s it. They don’t usually put it quite like that of course but really – that’s as far as it goes.

The trouble is, you guys need to get beyond the primitive stuff and stop being influenced by Big all the time. Your world is far more complex than mine and while Big works really well for us it isn’t working for you. It doesn’t matter how Big the EU is, your Remainers can’t just use Big as their only way of thinking about it. You have to teach them somehow. Use something Big is my advice. Usually works around here.

Number two – climate change. Climate change is a good example of you lot going overboard with Big. That Big climate and those Bigged up stories about your Big car exhausts making all the temperatures really Big. Then you have the Big institutions behind it, the Big number of scientists supporting it and Big media flogging it to death all the time. Really I’m surprised at you falling for this one. It’s such obvious Big talk.

Moving on to sport... oh that’s it for now. I think the spacetime quirk is closing.