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Wednesday, 31 December 2014

Happy New Year


Blimey it’s New Year resolution time again.

For 2015 I’m thinking of something genuinely improving or useful such painting the lawn a nice shade of cerise. Green is such a tacky colour these days isn’t it? I blame Greenpeace myself. I know it’s unfair of me but that’s another compelling reason to blame them.

Or how about taking more interest in celebrities? The other day I had to look up Kim Kardythingy because I’d no idea who she is. It’s not good enough is it?

I should know these things by a process of celebrity osmosis. Maybe mine is missing or blocked up. Anyhow, after extensive research I now know that Ms Kardythingy is famous for her rump. Seems odd butt there it is.

Moving on from pneumatic rumps, what political adventures may we look forward to in 2015? Well we have a general election coming up which should be as exciting as a special offer on Kleenex albeit markedly less profitable or exciting. What about the prospects though? Which bunch of liars is destined to occupy the golden sty this time round?

Before we begin our deliberations, perhaps we need a new word for people who think Ed Miliband would make a fine Prime Minister? Surely moron is inadequate here, although it fits Cameron voters well enough I suppose.

Even so, moron is unsatisfactory. It doesn't worm its way into all the nooks and crannies. The world cries out for a word which encapsulates a much more profound, much deeper and more slug-like level of imbecility. So there’s a task for 2015.

Maybe we should also personalise our political parties. In keeping with our modern taste for the infantile we could rename the three main parties Ed’s Crew, Dave’s Gang and Nick’s Off. Even morons might find a clue in there somewhere.

Well that’s not many resolutions herded together in time for the fireworks and champagne. Apart from the cerise lawn that seems to be it. Not enough to guide me to a new and brighter self as 2015 dawns. Ah well, maybe I’ll think up a few resolutions in time for next year.

Happy New Year.

5 comments:

duffandnonsense said...

"Seems odd butt there it is."

I worry about the standard of your Xmas crackers, AK!

Sam Vega said...

Happy New Year to you, AKH, and all who read you.

Scrobs... said...

Ha ha ha, Mr H!

I've invented a cardboard screen frame which covers all those sideline articles which mention unknowns like Crum Cardigan and his (her?) mates, and so I just see the nonsense which is portrayed in the 'main' stories.

2015 will be my first year in complete retirement. We lost so much during Gordon Brown's 'tenure', and will never get it back, but as Mrs Scroblene and I have more important things to think about, like grandchildren, gardens, etc, its time to move on and forget idiots and losers.

I haven't even thought about resolutions, but there is a nice pair of jeans hanging up in the wardrobe, and they're not as large as they used to be, so I suspect that I may well consider that tinctures will be related to the ice floe in Antarctica for a few days in - say - February, when we're all feeling better! I may even become thinner!

Best wishes to you and Mrs H; I just love your posts, and hope all is well for you all in 2015!

Senor Clarence Roberto O'Blene.

Demetrius said...

I made some resolutions once but changed my mind when I had sobered up.

A K Haart said...

David - a bargain at £3 a dozen from Aldi though.

Sam - happy New Year to you and yours and thanks for dropping by so regularly. It makes a difference.

Scrobs - but idiots and losers can be fun too - don't forget that. You are right though, real life comes first every time. All the best to you and Mrs S.

Demetrius - yes, real life sobers one up doesn't it?