Dorks of the year 2023

 

As this is the tenth Dork of the Year post, the committee has decided that something different should mark the event, something linked to the number ten. 

A perennially obvious problem has been the number of suitable candidates; choosing only one has never been adequate. To reflect the increasing number of Qualifying Dorks, we have proposed a team of Dork Astronauts suited to relocation on Mars. 

Initially a team of ten has been proposed for the imaginary trip to Mars. Their task would be to set up a permanent Martian base camp adhering strictly to the principles they so often insist on for others.

The Martian Settlement Team for 2023 is –

Rishi Sunak
“Sir” Keir Starmer
"Sir" Ed Davey
Gary Lineker
King Charles
Humza Yousaf
Sadiq Khan
Justin Welby
Matt Hancock
Nick Robinson

Dork of the Year candidates

As many people may already know, previous winners of the Dork of the Year (DotY) award have been -

 
2022 Tony Blair
2021 Jacinda Ardern
2020 Prince Harry
2019 Jo Swinson
2018 The British Electorate
2017 Michael Heseltine
2016 Mark Carney
2015 Ed Miliband
2014 Naomi Klein

All worthy winners, but what about 2023? As so often the number of Qualifying Dorks seems to increase year by year and the annual DotY award edges ever closer to being an impossible task. Naturally enough Joe Biden still has the apparently unassailable lead he has held for some time. 

Yet there are those on the DotY Committee who see a vote for Joe as akin to kicking a seaside donkey, so we do have a preliminary list of Qualifying Dorks other than old Joe. As always, the list is bound to be expanded as suggestions arise.


Joe Biden
Jill Biden
Hunter Biden
Rishi Sunak
“Sir” Keir Starmer

"Sir" Ed Davey

Angela Rayner  
Gary Lineker
King Charles

Greta Thunberg
John Kerry
Gavin Newsom
Alissa Heinerscheid
Humza Yousaf
Sadiq Khan
Justin Welby
Pope Francis
Justin Trudeau
Matt Hancock
Rachel Reeves
Ursula von der Leyen

Dork of the year 2022

 

Sir Anthony Charles Lynton Blair KG

It’s a crowded field this year, as it is every year, but more than any previous year, 2022 seems to be the Year of the Dork - as will 2023 of course. Many thanks to everyone who left suggestions - they all demonstrate what a ridiculously packed field it is.

Inevitably, the DotY Committee has had a difficult time of it, but still managed to reach a conclusion with only a few biscuits hurled across the room and no fisticuffs. One very attractive suggestion was a contest between Dork Duos such as

Meghan and Harry
Shearer and Wright
Biden and Corbyn
Fauci and Whitty
Truss and Kwarteng
The Gary duo – Lineker and Neville.

A suggestion which will be followed up. In the end, the DotY Committee was swayed by a timely, if unpleasant reminder of Tony Blair in his KG garb. It turned out to be a powerful visual argument.

For all his pretensions to be a charismatic schemer, it is easy to lose sight of Blair the Dork. He even managed to choose the wrong political party, the one with Brown in it.

The hat, the Committee decided, says it all.

Politics and Inflated Balls

I'm not a great user of the electric television apparatus, so when Scrobs suggested Gary Neville as a Dork of the Year candidate I saw a need to be more familiar with Neville's dorkish qualities. 

Strewth - it's painful to watch.

Dork of the Year candidates

As you may know, previous winners of the Dork of the Year (DotY) award have been - 

2021 Jacinda Ardern
2020 Prince Harry
2019 Jo Swinson
2018 The British Electorate
2017 Michael Heseltine
2016 Mark Carney
2015 Ed Miliband
2015 Naomi Klein

All worthy winners, but what about 2022? As Mrs H said recently, the world becomes sillier week by week. The silliness comes from an uncountable number of Qualifying Dorks so an annual award becomes ever more difficult, even though Joe Biden currently appears to have an unassailable lead.

However, we do have a preliminary list of Qualifying Dorks, culled from the hordes of usual suspects. As in previous years, it may be expanded as suggestions arise.

Joe Biden

Jill Biden

Hunter Biden

Sir Keir Starmer

Gordon Brown

Prince Harry

Matt Hancock

David Attenborough
Angela Rayner

Marlene Headley

Jane Fonda

King Charles
Prince William

Gary Lineker

Eddie Izzard  

Dork of the Year 2021

Due the vast number of Qualifying Dorks the result this year was even more unpredictable than the end of the coronavirus debacle. After much coffee-fuelled deliberation and the consumption of a considerable number of mince pies, the Dork of the Year (DotY) committee has settled on the overall winner for 2021 - 

Jacinda Ardern

In the end, Jacinda is so bum-clenchingly awful that it wasn't a particularly difficult decision. There were no midnight deliberations, Twitter spats or much physical violence in any DotY committee meeting.

However, 2021 has been an excellent year for Qualifying Dorks and the committee felt it could not set aside the extraordinary claims of Joe Biden. We felt obliged to award Mr Biden an honorary mention in recognition of his failure to ask himself if he was up to the job of US President and get the right answer. Not a difficult question we think.

Many thanks to all those who put forward candidates. As a result, honourable mentions also go to the following, but in reality any of them could have won –

SAGE
Angela Rayner
Prince Charles
Prince William
Alok Sharma
The BBC
The Guardian
The US Democrats
Gary Lineker
Meghan
Kamala Harris
Boris
Greta Thunberg
Private jet fliers to COP26
Neil Ferguson
The Harry and Sparkle act
Michael Gunner
Katie Price
Gary Neville
North Shropshire voters

Dork of the Year candidates

As you may know, previous winners of the Dork of the Year (DotY) award have been

2020 Prince Harry
2019 Jo Swinson
2018 The British Electorate
2017 Michael Heseltine
2016 Mark Carney
2015 Ed Miliband
2015 Naomi Klein

All worthy winners, but what about 2021? Unfortunately the coronavirus debacle has caused a good deal of disruption in the Dork of the Year committee this year. As usual there are numerous Qualifying Dorks even though Joe Biden currently appears to have an unassailable lead.

However, we do have a preliminary list of Qualifying Dorks which may be expanded as suggestions arise.

Joe Biden
Matt Hancock

SAGE
Angela Rayner

Prince Charles
Prince William 

Alok Sharma
The BBC

The Guardian
Jacinda Ardern

Dork of the Year 2020

Not quite as inevitable as some years, but after much anguished deliberation the Dork of the Year (DotY) committee has settled on the overall winner for 2020 - 

Prince Harry.

A fine performance I’m sure everyone will agree. In the end it wasn't a difficult decision. There were no fisticuffs or duels in any of the DotY committee meetings. Poor Harry was a highly regarded man with nothing whatever to prove until he went full woke and showed us how shallow it all was. Truly a Dork’s Dork. 

However, 2020 has been an excellent year for Qualifying Dorks and the committee felt it could not set aside the extraordinary claims of Professor Neil Ferguson . We felt obliged to award Professor Ferguson an honorary 700% of the committee vote in recognition of his sterling work in the field of epidemiological models. 

Many thanks to all those who put forward candidates. As a result, honourable mentions also go to the following, but in reality any of them could have won –

Whitty & Vallance, that well known double act
Matt Hancock
Keir Starmer
Prime Minister Carrie Symonds
Boris Johnson MP *

The BBC
Joe Biden
The Vicar of Dibley
Prince William
Ed Davey
Piers Morgan
Nicola Sturgeon
Astrophel Sang
James Wong

* Boris Johnson may yet redeem himself via Brexit, but it is worth reminding ourselves that this appears to be he chosen political persona – the man who may yet redeem himself.

Dork of the Year candidates

As you may know, previous winners of the Dork of the Year (DotY) award have been

2019 Jo Swinson
2018 The British Electorate
2017 Michael Heseltine
2016 Mark Carney
2015 Ed Miliband
2015 Naomi Klein

All worthy winners, but what about 2020? Unfortunately a certain amount of turmoil has hit the Dork of the Year committee this year. An earlier suggestion that it should be renamed Harry of the Year has been shelved because a number of major Qualifying Dorks have emerged since Prince Harry tried to run off with the award.

Although we have a preliminary list of Qualifying Dorks from which to choose, in these egalitarian times the DotY committee is inclined to treat even high level dorkishness as a team game. In which case the winner is merely appointed as captain of Team Dork. Below we have a preliminary list which may well grow substantially over the next few weeks. 

Prince Harry

Matt Hancock

Boris Johnson

Prime Minister Carrie Symonds

The BBC

Joe Biden

The Vicar of Dibley

Keir Starmer

Prince William

Ed Davey if he's still around

Dork of the Year 2019

Inevitable really, but many thanks to those who passed on a veritable cascade of excellent suggestions - but of course that's the problem as we all know. This year there have been so many top class candidates for Dork of the Year that the committee had to seek regular counselling in the Dog and Tincture. In fact most of them are still at it.

Promising to ignore the result of a democratic referendum and using that wholly undemocratic promise as the rallying cry for a democratic election - well I'm afraid the committee just fell about laughing every time Jo Swinson was mentioned. Committee members falling off their chairs convulsed with mirth is not conducive to orderly procedure but quite understandable.

What else does one say about her when she didn't even manage to hang on to her own seat? In one sense she'll be missed because we need Parliamentary Plimsoll Lines to indicate when the whole place is at risk of sinking under an excessive load of dorkishness. It's an important function but we have plenty of reserves able to do the same job.

So congratulations to Ms Swinson - the award is so very well deserved.

Dork of the Year - List 2

Blimey - suggestions in response to the previous post have extended the list into what is beginning to look like Team Dork.

Nicola Sturgeon

Emily Thornberry

Richard Burgon

Prince Andrew

Hugh Grant

Gary Lineker

Diane Abbott

Lily Allen

Archbishop Welby

Mark Carney

Pope Francis

Jo Swinson

Steve Coogan

Emma Thompson

John Bercow

Professor Sir Richard Evans

Dork of the Year candidates

As you may know, previous winners of the Dork of the Year (DotY) award have been

2018 The British Electorate
2017 Michael Heseltine
2016 Mark Carney
2015 Ed Miliband
2015 Naomi Klein

All worthy winners, but what about 2019? It may be worth repeating an observation originally from 2015, repeated in 2016, 2017, 2018 and unfortunately even more relevant today.

The huge number of candidates has made choosing Dork of the Year (DotY) even more difficult than usual this year. Not that the problem is new because each year there seem to be even more Qualifying Dorks than the year before.


However we have a preliminary list of Qualifying Dorks from which to choose.

Prince Harry obviously. The suggestion that Dork of the Year should be changed to Harry of the Year has been turned down, although the idea certainly has merit.

Jeremy Corbyn but not so much for losing the general election so spectacularly. Jeremy’s dorkworthy candidacy is down to his decades of trying to come across as an intellectual radical. The casual clothes, Lenin cap, Yasser Arafat keffiyeh, the erstwhile floppy hair and the beard. All very dorkworthy.

Theresa May obviously.

The BBC for clinging on to the TV licence scam long after it has become such an obvious embarrassment.

Sir David Attenborough for endorsing climate change dorkishness, a political movement so plainly based on pretend science that even Sir David should notice.

Emmanuel Macron for his transparently silly attempts to be the Big Man of Europe.

Jo Swinson for such an absurd general election policy as cancelling Brexit. To be so blatantly and stridently undemocratic in a democratic election is almost beyond dorkworthy.

There are many others. Possibly too many but suggestions are certainly welcome.

Dork of the Year 2018

source

As in 2017, the number of possible DotY candidates leads one to wonder if we should blame individuals for wider failings. Almost all dorks take advantage of available trends and social mores, they don’t invent them. Certainly the genuine dork adds something personal and uniquely dorkworthy but without social vehicles to carry them, their dorkish nature would be much less visible.

For example - although Theresa May feels like the runaway winner, Sam Vega made this interesting comment in the recent DotY candidates post -

I would like to suggest a rather more obscure candidate; a Dork for the discerning connoisseur. Last week the Advertising Standards Authority surpassed themselves in idiotic meddling when they outlawed "sexist stereotypes" in advertising. I present the C.E.O. of this sinister clownish Quango:

https://www.asa.org.uk/about-asa-and-cap/people/asa-senior-management.html

Guy Parker. Just look at him!
In fact, I nominate the entire Senior Management Shower for a joint award.

This a very good suggestion but it also sets a few hares running because not only is the the ASA an obvious candidate for Dork of the Year, but it highlights the issue of numerous examples of Team Dork beavering away at the foundations of our collective competence. Perhaps that is a clue to where our attention should be - our collective competence.

Ultimately we voters help set the scene as we are led by the tribal nose to elect MPs who are obviously of the dork persuasion and obviously prepared to push the dork agenda. In which case the Dork of the Year award for 2018 goes to -

The British electorate.

Dork of the year candidates

As you may know, previous winners of the Dork of the Year (DotY) award have been Michael Heseltine in 2017, Mark Carney in 2016, Ed Miliband in 2015 and Naomi Klein in 2014.

All worthy winners, but what about 2018? It may be worth repeating an observation originally from 2015, repeated in 2016 and 2017 and still distressingly relevant today.

The sheer number of candidates has made choosing Dork of the Year (DotY) particularly difficult for 2015. Not that the problem is new because each year there seem to be even more Qualifying Dorks than the year before.

However we have a preliminary list of Qualifying Dorks from which to choose.

1. Theresa May

A comprehensive list I'm sure you will agree, but any suggestions for suitable additions are certainly welcome.

Dork of the year 2017

source

While writing the previous post, the number of possible candidates caused me to wonder if we should blame individuals for wider failings. Almost all dorks take advantage of available trends and social mores, they don’t invent them. Certainly the genuine dork adds something personal and dorkworthy but without social vehicles to carry them, their dorkish nature would be much less visible.

A good example is Prince Harry who seems to be as radically refreshing as a cup of cheap decaffeinated coffee. His squeeze even more so. Two dorks for the price of one, but should we expect anything better?

Having said that, Scrobs' suggestion of Michael Heseltine seems a good one to me. With all his advantages the man is still unable to put his political conceits behind him and make the best of where we are.