Friday, 3 October 2014

St Custard’s goes green

Nigel Molesworth by the late great Ronald Searle
as any fule kno

Gosh chiz st custard’s hav decided to go green. Well i mite hav expected it, just when i thort we were safe from globule worming old grimes have decided to GO GREEN and build an elektric windmill to power the hole skool. 

Fotherington tomas call it a wind turbin and dance with joy when he hear the news. The little wet clap his hands and skip about trilling “we are saving the planit, we are saving the planit. The flowers will be saved the trees will be saved”. He is just like a little parot who just discuver the world is made of nuts.

Grimes order the skool janitor to build a windy turbin and make it big enuff to suply the whole skool with elektricity for ever and ever amen. Janitor mutter and grumble and slouch off in a huff as per ushual becos he has to do sum work like the rest of us hem hem.

Later he is spotted by peason sneaking awa with bits of wood from the fence at the back of the bike shedds. This will not end WELL.


Much later.

Well the windy turbin is built rite in the middle of the foopball pich which sends grimes into a wild bate. He foam at the mouth and swings his best kane like a wild demon who drunk too much BEER in the village pub witch we pore boys never visit hem hem.

Even later.

The grand swich on

Chiz chiz no speshial treets for the pore boys to celebrate st custards new green windy turbin. We hav been lined up on the frozen wastes of the foopbal pitch to watch the grate green triumpf. Fotherington tomas is allowed to pull the swich the pore wet.


A big flash lite up the sky and all dive for cover even tho there isnt anywhere to hide on the freezing wastes of the foopball pich. As i kno too wel chiz chiz.

After a wile a few of the bravest boys hem hem dare to raise our heads from the skool mud. We take a horifid look at the disaster wich has befallen us. Ho ho. O horror.

The windy turbin have burn rite down to a pile of ashes and sum black wires wich look like telefone wires to an xpert eye .like mine. The windy turbin didnt burn long becos the janitors wood was all roten and burnt too qwick for my liking.

O wel lessons learned as they sa.


Macheath said...

But what of Fotherington-Thomas?

Can we assume that the little weed is even now exclaiming, "Hello clouds, hello sky, hello Pearly Gates!"

Sackerson said...

Like it, but then I always loved Willans and Searle.

Demetrius said...

Aha, Grimes? Any relation to Captain Grimes re Evelyn Waugh's works, notably on the staff of Llanabba Abbey? As for Michael Green, he was a couple of years ahead of me at secondary school. Played around the same clubs and pitches, used the same dressing rooms. His rugger tales are biographical, indeed in one or two cases I was there.

Sackerson said...

I checked AKH's link and it seems one of St Custard's rival schools was Hogwarts. Read Willans' books years ago and never made the connection when Harry Potter appeared. Be interesting to combine the two.

A K Haart said...

Mac - he escaped with singed curls but undimmed enthusiasm for all things green - chiz chiz.

Sackers - I only spotted the Hogwarts connection when I made that link. Yes it would be interesting to combine them although I don't know much about Harry Potter.

Demetrius - David Duff over at his duffandnonsense blog knows Michael Green too, via a common interest in theatricals.

James Higham said...

What of Fotherington-Thomas indeed?

A K Haart said...

James - perhaps he regenerates like Dr Who. Eek!

graham wood said...

Just come across your site and this delightful comment.

I am amazed at the depth of learning and this new and important advance in scientific knowledge. So much so that I have recommended to friends as follows:

"I kno this is true, 'cos ive seen tipes like this at our local skool hear in York

Its a cissy skool an I think its run by an old dragoon called Missus Olive and roomer has it that she want an elektrik turban to power the whole skool too.

My fizicks teacher (old sparkie) says there no such thing as globule worming, an he should kno cos its orlways freesing in our klasroom shed hear.