Neolithic News 2

The Weel Problem

By clan elder Jer Amikobin

Recently you may have heard about a fanciful contraption called the weel made by a couple of clan members who should have been working on something more constructive such as a formal innovations strategy, but let that pass for now.

Firstly I must deal with the so-called weel itself before we move on to more substantive issues. If you did not manage to catch a glimpse of it going round in circles, the weel was a round wooden abomination quite correctly consigned to the fire after a unanimous vote by the elders.

Since this entirely reasonable official action, it has been claimed that the weel would have allowed heavy loads to be moved more easily. This is quite obviously a ridiculous fantasy which a few minutes conversation at the Humpers and Draggers Hut would have dispelled. Humping and dragging is a skilled and honourable job. No amount of tinkering with wooden toys could possibly replace the efforts of such valued clan members.

Another claim made for the weel is that our brave warriors can actually be mounted on weels in a manner I will not deign to understand. It seems to involve horses, but beyond that I do not care to go. Hence, it is further claimed, they could defend our clan boundaries more effectively by charging around very fast.

Here again is must be pointed out that negotiations with the Honourable Den of Bowmakers will soon reach a satisfactory conclusion. Until then our valiant warriors have as many arrows as they need and are fully prepared to throw them really hard at any would-be attackers without the need to career around on weels. Be warned – we are on our guard. Camp Lookout is on the job.

However, the real problem with the late and unlamented weel is its complete lack of any kind of officially recognised Hut or Den, so even if this ridiculous device were ever approved there would be no way to maintain standards. Everything must have its approved standard, even things we haven’t yet invented, otherwise there would be no point inventing them.

As a footnote to this unfortunate development, the Dung-Moulders Midden has reached a preliminary agreement to explore more substantive grounds for further progress with the Honourable Den of Bowmakers. As you may know, the Dung-Moulders were using bows as part of their front line services, piling their skillfully moulded dung onto a mesh of woven bows to dry them. A highly imaginative and useful service with only a minor unresolved and temporary bow shortage issue which we intend to address at next year’s General Assembly.

Secondly – no I think I’ve covered that. Or at least if I haven’t I will have eventually.