Whipgate

A handwritten note has come into my possession which seems to be a private memorandum outlining the substance of an inner shadow cabinet meeting between Jeremy Corbyn and a few trusted colleagues.

For my eyes only.

Main points to be determined.

Is a three-line whip sufficiently strong for a modern, disciplined and effective Labour party? Diane suggests stronger discipline alone is sufficient but I really cannot go down that path. I sometimes think she is pulling my leg with her gruesome ideas.

As far as key Parliamentary votes go, my own idea is an expanded version of the three-line whip to four lines. Rather a good idea I think. At least it would allow the leadership to emphasise just how important certain Parliamentary votes are for Labour policy and it would bring home yet again the inestimable value of loyalty. A neglected issue in my opinion.

Diane suggests a five-line whip so in order to maintain my authority I make an executive decision that six-line whips will be introduced which is twice the number the Tories have available to them. That should settle the matter but Diane keeps sniggering and even suggests twelve-line whips so I know she is not taking the issue as seriously as I’d hoped.

The next issue is the vexed question of our Brexit policy which although absolutely clear seems to have suffered from a range of mischievous interpretations.

Briefly our position is that without the EU Britain after the Brexit vote should still be in a position to decide for itself within the outcome of suitable negotiations with our EU partners the substance of which although not subject to formal procedures not yet established should otherwise be implemented with Parliamentary approval.

Yes that should do. At least it is a start.

Meeting closed.