Saturday, 25 February 2017

Morons should have a long, hard think

Transport Minister Chris Grayling has suggested that morons should have a 'long, hard think' before becoming Secretary of State for Transport.

“Look at me,” he said in a recent interview, “I know nothing about this diesel emission malarkey so in that respect I’m a bit of a moron. I have to accept what I’m told by a bunch of dodgy activist experts. I’m not really a moron, but I don’t know the difference between diesel emissions and camel farts so what is a chap to do?”

When faced with further questioning, Mr Grayling seemed unsure about the potential effects of diesel emissions.

“I know the emissions could do really bad things, as bad as making babies’ heads explode or leaving sexist comments on Twitter,” he explained, “but I can’t help feeling that these problems ought to have been thrashed out earlier.”

When asked what he meant by the phrase “thrashed out earlier,” Mr Graying snapped, “thrashed out before I was landed with this job of course. I know it’s all enviro-bollocks but I’m not in a position to turn down such a lucrative position with so many networking possibilities. I can put up with talking bollocks, but I don't have to enjoy it.”


Sam Vega said...

When we bought our VW diesel about five years ago, I'm sure the received opinion was that diesels were better for the environment.

Can we still eat kale? Is cycling OK?

Anonymous said...

No such thing as a free lunch, except for Mr Grayling. Ignore.

Demetrius said...

Back in the mid 70's a bloke I knew told me to buy diesel because I would save a lot on fuel costs. But diesel cars then cost a fair bit more than petrol and the added costs of that, as well as servicing etc. wiped it out. By the time diesel was fingered as the saviour for carbon I still stayed with petrol because I did not like the smell and other things. Now I wonder where I put my old scooter.

A K Haart said...

Sam - kale causes emissions but I don't think they are seriously toxic. As for cycling we should remember that Lycra is not biodegradable.

Roger - he may stop me driving to Derby so... yes you are right, ignore.

Demetrius - sooner or later an anti-petrol narrative will emerge too, so that scooter could come in handy.

Dan said...

Well, I had a quick spot of cogitation just now, and based on doing 30 thousand miles a year and based on the Honest John figures for fuel economy on Nissan Qashqais of diesel and petrol types, I'd be about £1200 a week worse off were I to use petrol.

This would fall to a mere thousand a year worse off were Nissan to employ an AdBlue exhaust fluid system for the reduction of nitrous oxides, as they do on their larger diesels.

Since nitrous is the current bugbear, why don't politicians simply legislate new and more realistic test conditions for the current nitrous restrictions, and take things from there?

A K Haart said...

Dan - I expect the targets are set internationally and the government doesn't care to admit that it has no leeway. Yet NOx emissions have been falling for decades and are now about a third of what they were in 1970.