Thursday, 26 June 2014


Britain is running out of land for food and faces a potential shortfall of two million hectares by 2030 according to new research.

The report, from the University of Cambridge, says the growing population plus the use of land for energy crops are contributing to the gap.

It criticises the government's lack of a coherent vision on how to make the most of UK farm land.

Crikey, I wonder if it's true? Yet even if we are so short of land for food, why not think laterally? For example, we could get some genetic chaps to breed oversized moles for food. 

So we'd have the usual rural idyll with cattle grazing above ground in lush meadows, but beneath the surface we'd be raising a tasty crop of mega-moles, doubling the productivity of the land at a stroke.

We’d process the underground harvest into juicy mole burgers, mole sausages and even deep-fried mole nuggets. Not only that, but we’d have lots of mole fur for all kinds of stylish clothing. I'm sure Dame Viv could work on that one.

Hang on though... One problem might be that the genetic chaps would also have to breed huge numbers of mega-worms for the moles to feed on.


Thinking laterally again - we'd offset that disadvantage by creating mole farms under towns and cities. Apart from all that delicious food, it might be a way to lower house prices.


Sackerson said...

Leave the velvet-clad gentlemen alone! What's wrong with rats?

James Higham said...

Running out of land? All that greenery?

A K Haart said...

Sackers - I wondered about rats although maybe we'd need a less ratty breed for marketing purposes.

James - I have my doubts too.