Friday, 23 September 2011

Monthly horoscope - Libra

Libra (September 23 - October 22)

Magical birthstone - Sequinite.
Lucky fish             - mullet.
Unlucky haircut     - mullet.

People born under the sign of Libra often have problems with soft-furnishings and out of date Tesco vouchers, but with Mars sidling towards a cosy conjunction with Krypton, there could be more serious issues to cope with. I'm getting glue and contact-lenses from the stars, so if it means anything to you, take care.

Later in the month you are asked by the Minsister of Taste to design a new Olympics art gallery for 2012. It should have been started sooner really, but what with one thing and another it slipped through the net. Anyway, the stars advise you to give it a go. Something inflatable is indicated here because of the time restrictions. Mind how you hang the pictures though, some of them can be quite expensive and not just the old-looking ones. It might be best all round if you just duct tape them to the walls for now. The Minister won't mind as she isn't at all artistic and the PM will have other things on his "mind".

At some point you need to get a grip on finances - either that or fiancés or fiancées, or possibly even furnaces. Visibility isn't too good around the fifth quartile, so I'm not sure about the advice I should be passing on. Could be a bit of fogging on my crystal balls, so let's keep it open shall we - cover all the bases? May as well include fencing in that case I suppose. 

Rail travel is best avoided all month unless you actually got round to buying those new running shoes on Tuesday. However, this is a good time for new hobbies and cookery prospects look really good, especially for all you Libran accountants out there. I'm also getting a few hints about the therapeutic benefits of extreme Scrabble and trading in antique condoms, so I'll leave them with you as possibilities.

The one thing Saturn insists on warning you about this month is taking snuff while swimming. It's actually quite dangerous and very unpleasant to watch. All in all, the stars suggest it may be best to leave the snuffbox at home instead of slipping it into your swimming trunks as usual.  


rogerh said...

Gnomic indeed.

Liked the poems, life was hard but 'sustainable', and there is a word for Spinoza to ponder.

James Higham said...

My exgf and mother are both born in the Libra month. Costs a lot in phone calls.

Demetrius said...

Wasn't there talk recently that the ancient signs of the Zodiac are now out of kilter with the heavens as we know them today? So a lot of people are not what they thought they were. As ever.

A K Haart said...

rogerh - I've never been gnomic before.

JH - There seems to be lots of Libra birthdays - one of the pleasures of Christmas I suppose.

D - are you saying my charts may be suspect?

rogerh said...

My apologies, I meant gnomonic, next time I'll look in the dictionary instead of guessing.