Electing a new stooge

When we elect new stooges to Parliament, the basic problem is working out who on earth you are choosing. None of them seem trustworthy and experience suggests they are likely to be dim too. It isn't an easy situation standing there in that flimsy booth, pencil in hand. Okay they give themselves brand names such as Conservative, Labour or Lib-Thing, but what’s that supposed to mean? A stooge is a stooge so the best we can hope for is one with a modicum of analytical ability and independent thinking...

Wait for hollow laughter to die down before carrying on.

Actually, before I do carry on, it's quite baffling this politics game isn’t it? I've no wish to be excessively unkind, but we all know how hopeless they are and what lies they tell such as the weather is going to boil our heads unless we pay mountains of subsidies to people who operate windmills and so forth. It’s not as if one can really say anything constructive about insane stuff like that is it? Then we have the Euro nonsense falling apart just as everyone said it would apart from the EU stooges who said it wouldn't.

Anyway, back to the business of stooge-selection, or voting as it’s often called for some reason that entirely escapes me. Now I can’t possibly tell you who is the best person to stick your cross against or which brand of stoogedom is the right brand for a rosy future free from worry or fatigue. It’s like trying to tell the difference between dog shit and cat shit isn’t it? Unrewarding and frankly – a little demeaning.

When it comes down to it, my only angle on this game is to try and work out who really pulls the strings. Mostly it seems to be the top dogs at Conservative, Labour or Lib-Thing. Find out who pulls their strings and maybe we’re onto something. Of course the answer is anyone but you and me, but there you go, can’t have everything.