Wednesday, 17 August 2011

EU Primer – part 3

One of the most exciting projects funded by the EU is to bring the UK physically closer to mainland Europe. This is to be achieved by giant propellers connected to the National Grid. Everyone will have seen them erected in well-know beauty spots all over the UK.

Once the full complement of propellers has been installed, they will be turned on and gradually, inch by inch the UK will be carefully edged towards France. Some alarm has been expressed about the actual docking procedure, or shafting as it is technically known, but there is nothing to be worried about. We are assured by all the experts that when we actually dock with mainland EU, there will only be a barely perceptible tremor.

The Isle of Wight of course will be folded up into a substantial mountain, lucky residents having the added benefit of spectacular views over both France and England. Calais will of course merge with Dover, although a name for the new town has yet to be decided. The UK has suggested the rather attractive possibility of Calover, while the French proposal is Calais.

A few sceptical geologists have said the plan is not feasible for various obscure theoretical reasons and at times the debate has been rather heated, but in spite of this the plan continues with unabated enthusiasm. The government has so far resisted calls to make geology illegal.


Demetrius said...

Ah, this explains the recent run of small earthquakes in the Channel.

A K Haart said...

D - it does, although we are assured that there is no danger to shipping.

Anonymous said...

I'm afraid your cynicism regarding climate change has meant that you have completely misunderstood the true purpose of the propellers. They are our salvation. When the oceans rise we will be gently lifted out of danger

A K Haart said...

Anon - good grief I hadn't thought of that - but suppose bits break off during the lifting phase?

lab rat said...

We are still working on that

A K Haart said...

Lab rat - don't fix it too well - there may be bits we'd prefer to leave behind anyway.