Every now and then I pinch my nose, take a deep breath and have a quick gander at the world of politics, usually UK politics but sometimes wider. Not a pleasant job, but we all have to stay in touch however distasteful these games may be. There are of course a standard range of tick-boxes in my checking routine.
- Are they banning something ludicrous?
- Has one of them said something ludicrous?
- Has one of the ludicrous bastards died?
- Has one of them been caught in an outre´ shagging session?
- Is there any such thing as outre´ shagging these days?
- Is there a chink of light at the end of the tunnel?
- Which end?
Whenever I venture into this strange and disgusting world with my little check list, I wonder how on earth professional journalists manage it.
How for instance do those BBC dullards keep drivelling about the latest official gossip which doesn’t really reflect what is going on but they have a job to do and somebody might just be watching apart from Mum and Dad? I mean how do they report on the latest PR releases from Dave, Nick and Ed without the risk of being overcome by projectile vomiting?
Maybe there are tablets one can take for this kind of thing – like seasickness pills but with a seriously powerful uplift mixed into the formula. Or maybe it comes in a bottle.
Anyway, you may well have guessed that this post was to be all about some aspect of the UK political landscape, but it’s such a horrible prospect I need a dose of whatever those reporters are on first.
Or maybe not.