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Friday 4 March 2022

No cells here



New 'smart' prison with no bars on windows and cells called 'rooms' is no 'soft touch', says justice secretary Dominic Raab

Inmates at HMP Five Wells in Wellingborough, Northamptonshire, will also be called "residents" by prison staff to assist in their rehabilitation. The 1,700-capacity jail will also feature a gym, snooker table, table tennis table and a tablet to gain new qualifications.


Sounds fine, but what about a progressive alternative to solitary confinement? 

I suggest one of those nice 'rooms' with a TV screen set into the wall playing the speeches of Jacinda Ardern 24/7. It wouldn't be called 'punishment' of course. 'Treatment' perhaps. As 'treatment' it would not be too harsh, comfy even, but with just a hint of official disapproval.

9 comments:

Sam Vega said...

As a mutually beneficial bonus, why not arrange a meeting in person between violent offenders and Ardern the caring liberal purveyor of sadface posturing? They would both be profoundly changed by the experience.

decnine said...

As light relief from Jacinda, they could insert segments from 'The Best of Lyse Doucet'. Half an hour of content free feelz should have them begging to be banged up ... alone.

Woodsy42 said...

And some nice background muzak playing 24/7, I suggest Barry Manilow.

Vatsmith said...

Sounds like a cheaper version of Center Parcs.

johnd2008 said...

As someone living in New Zealand ,can I say that you are welcome to Jacinda, keep her as long as you like and no, we don't need her returned.

Scrobs. said...

Presumably the rapists, paedos etc., will be offered alternative accomodation?

When the original prisons were built on The Isle of Sheppey, I went round the building when it was about to open, as a guest of Mowlem, the builders.

It was just terrifying even to get to the reception desk, and yes there is a padded cell, which I went in and wished I hadn't...

A K Haart said...

Sam - good idea and it could easily be done via Zoom conferences. Could cut crime rates significantly.

decnine - I'm not familiar with her efforts so I tried a few videos. Didn't manage half an hour of her content free feelz though. A few minutes was enough.

Woodsy - that's harsh!

Vatsmith - it does doesn't it?

John - it's a generous offer and she would probably fit in very well, but as New Zealand signed her first...

Scrobs - I recently watched an interview of a former prison officer. It sounded like a really grim life.

Penseivat said...

Who wouldn't want to take up a life of crime if they could be sentenced to HMP Five Stars? The old military prisons, where everyone started out with basic privileges, which were increased based on behaviour and acceptance of the rules, followed by resettlement and preparation for release, seemed to work well. In 22 years, I never met anyone, sailor, soldier, or airman, who would risk going back there.

A K Haart said...

Penseivat - yes, for some people is could easily be a worthwhile lifestyle option with no particular incentive to change it after release.