2 Ed Davey says people should store their electricity for winter use.
3 Climate scientists officially adopt the phrase piss off when asked why global warming has stalled.
4 Other scientists claim there are significant health risks for men with beards.
5 The possibility that beards pose a problem for facial-recognition security systems is denied by a beardy from the security industry.
6 A Tory nobody has ever heard of claims beards are immoral anyway, triggering a storm of Twitter abuse and accusations of racism.
7 The new wonder food is said to be white bread fried in salted butter.
8 Scientists from Derby University produce a highly controversial report titled Alcohol Shrinks Yer Brane.
9 Bombs go off in the Middle East. Innocent people, including children are blown to pieces. Twitter remains comparatively silent.
10 Al Gore claims to have invented fruitcake.
11 A new particle is discovered at CERN. It is named the zappon because it goes round zapping other particles. This is thought to confirm a theory that the universe is merely a computer game.
12 Governments continue to print money so people can spend it on junk.
13 Junk becomes more expensive.
14 A rational idea causes a huge outcry.
15 Rational idea dropped.
16 Scientists produce a report claiming that dying from cold is a pleasant way to go, especially in winter. On the whole, dead people do not disagree.
17 Greenpeace researchers produce a report claiming that electricity produced from coal is dirty. They say it stains energy-saving light bulbs, causing them to go dim earlier than they should.
18 The Arctic fails to be ice-free again. The BBC fails to notice.
19 An untalented nobody becomes somebody via the miracle of television.
20 A few inhabitants of blogland notice the world has gone completely mad - consequently there is no mass panic.