The Big Match

“Hi Maz.”

“Hi Baz. Good match we have in prospect here.”

“Indeed it is Maz. Another round of StonkaBrain™ with teams from a number of top planetary systems across the galaxy. This evening we are thrilled to have two teams from planet Earth competing for the title of StonkaBrain 2200. On my left is Team Human aiming for the top of the intellectual tree while on my right we have the underdogs, Team Amoeba. Not easy to call this one, eh Maz?”

“It’s certainly a tricky one Baz and if I’m not mistaken we have the first scenario coming up right now... and oh dear Baz, the Scenario Dealer seems to have dealt a tricky one right out of the box for Team Human.”

“As you say Maz, it’s a doozy for Team Human because here is the first scenario of tonight’s match.

Hundreds of millions of humans have lost their lives in pointless warfare.

Those guys from Team Earth need to respond quickly Baz, but they seem to be hesitating and... oh heck... times up that’s one to Team Amoeba.

Humans 0 Amoebas 1.

“So Baz, Team Amoeba slips into an early lead without even stretching a vacuole and no sooner does Team Human get over that first strike we have another potentially disastrous scenario coming up right now.

Humans have a long history of inventing imaginary beings to keep the general population under control. Gods, demons, witches, ghouls, ghosts and anything which goes bump in the night.

Humans 0 Amoebas 2.

“Not good is it Maz? Team Human is already two nil down and the match has barely started.”

“Indeed Baz and the Team Human supporters were banking on a really good result here. People have been saying that if they can’t beat the Amoebas then Humans are staring galactic relegation in the face – but hold on we have another scenario.”

Apart from lethal violence and imaginary beings, humans also invented lying as another way to control, deceive and take advantage of their fellow humans.

Well Maz, at least Team Human should be able to defend that one with some rhetoric and a few sophistries.

“You’d think so Baz, but I don’t see any good defensive moves from their side and... yes that’s it, time’s up again and that’s another scenario for Team Amoeba.

Humans 0 Amoebas 3.

“Oh my goodness Maz, that’s three down and we haven’t even reached half time. Team Human is in complete disarray. All that training and they let in three early scenarios and if that one isn’t enough here comes an absolute stinker.”

North Korea, Mao’s China, Stalin’s USSR, and Pol Pot’s Kampuchea were all human creations.

“Ooh Baz, that’s a nasty one and no mistake. I think Team Human may let that one go and rely on a few advantageous scenarios popping up. Yes... yes they’ve conceded already Baz.

“I’m not surprised Maz”

Humans 0 Amoebas 4

“Well Baz, admittedly Team Human keeps scoring own goals while those annoying Amoebas just sit in a puddle of pond water doing nothing. If only humans could get their act together and find a way to keep the scenarios out of their own net we might see a more even match. Team Human fans are bound to blame the manager after a result like this.

“They are indeed Maz. Nobody mentioned the EU yet? Could get worse.”