Sunday, 22 May 2016

Time to blow the whistle

From the Independent we have another example of modern madness

A primary school has introduced a ban on whistles on the grounds that the “aggressive” noise can scare children.

St Monica’s Catholic Primary School in Milton Keynes has said instead of using whistles at the end of playtime, staff must raise their hands to tell pupils when it’s time to stop.

Hmm - hand waving - there is something horribly appropriate about that. 

However, I suggest installing a small playground cannon instead of a whistle. The noise will be similar to the sound effects in many of the little mites' computer games so they won't be unduly disturbed unless they are playing around it during discharge. This problem could be resolved by reducing the amount of gunpowder to a bare minimum. Obviously a cannon ball would be omitted due to modern sensibilities.


Sackerson said...


Sam Vega said...

I fear a cannon would be grossly insensitive. It could be confused with a canon, with its implication that certain books or works of art are somehow preferable to others, which is of course deeply offensive.

Derek said...

I suppose a bell would be out of the question . . .

Demetrius said...

Ah, St. Monica, mother of St. Augustine, who inspired the Canons Regular and the later Premonasterians and Dominicans. A bell might well do, but a carillon would be better.

James Higham said...

Methinks they should be attacked by the conker army.

A K Haart said...

Sackers - it could deliver the five a day, not just grapes.

Sam - good point. Perhaps books are to be avoided altogether.

Derek - a very small one perhaps.

Demetrius - or maybe a muted recording of something equally uplifting.

James - at least :)