The physics of duvets

It’s all very well particle physicists spending billions on the Large Hadron Collider. They’ve made a few discoveries, no doubt, but what about duvets? It’s no good searching for the Higgs Boson and inappropriately calling it the God particle when my duvet keeps wandering around the bed all night.

I say, sort out duvets first. Come on physicists, show some practical results before you go looking for the Higgs boson. You know you only want to make swivel-eyed TV programmes about the damned thing when (if) you do find it.