Now that sugar has turned out to be so lethal, even when completely hidden inside a cream scone (pronounced scone) a ray of sunshine comes along to warm our sweet-toothed despair.
Experts from the Institute of Nutritional Flagellation (INF) have produced a report claiming that after extensive studies, there is a safe food for humans.
However, the INF boffins warn that this most welcome finding doesn’t mean you should rush out and gather a snack of lawn clippings. Their advice is that harvested grass must be washed and pasteurised before it is safe to eat. Major supermarket chains are expected to market ready to eat packs of fresh or dried grass.
According to the INF, dried grass, or “hay” as it was often called in the past, may be reconstituted simply by adding boiling water to make a lo-cal broth.
Numerous grass recipes are being devised by official health experts, but my favourite is a thick and juicy seared grass-steak devised by our unhealthy ancestors and still enjoyed today.
Take one calf, fatten it up on lots of nutritious grass, kill it, hang the carcase for twenty eight days then cook and eat the steaky bits.